An odd encounter led to an interesting situation with a friend’s girlfriend. While attending a Christmas party, I was conversing with a friend and his girlfriend when my wife returned to join the conversation. I introduced my wife as she had not met the friend before. Somewhere in the introduction, I hinted at the fact that in dating; one of my rules was “don’t date engineers.” My wife is indeed an engineer. The intention here was to highlight that my wife was wonderful enough to transcend such barriers. That “rule” was not well received. My friend’s girlfriend, being an engineer, took undue offense to the rule. She vigorously attempted to debate me and relay all of the reasons why this rule was bad.
As the conversation continued, she used the word partner. I attempted to offer a correction as we are husband and wife, not partners. Once again, undue offense was taken. All attempts to agree to disagree were disregarded and the issue was forced.
A few phrases from my buddy’s girl:
“The reason so many men are sad and alone is because they are unable to get in touch with their feminine side.”
“Wouldn’t you be the most alpha if you could bag a woman who is an engineer?”
(little does she know that being a professional does not make a woman more difficult to acquire)
The word partner is based on the egalitarian idea that men and women are interchangeable. Minimizing the differences between the sexes is a common theme in our world moving toward a more controllable androgynous population. I don’t think we need to go into any further discussion of the term partner here. A partnership is playing not to lose in my opinion.
On the other hand, we have marriage – specifically, an Old Testament covenant. Few play to win like Old Testament figures. This distinction is important since modern marriage has been bastardized into something, that to previous generations, would be unrecognizable.
In the Catholic church, marriage is one of seven sacraments (gifts from God). This lifelong union addresses, for the remainder of history, the only thing that God described as not good in the book of Genesis, man being alone. Marriage is the union that sanctifies romantic love and sex. (This is contrasted to modern ideas of “chivalry” which masquerade as Christian ideas. Ideas approximating that love is the thing that sanctifies marriage and sex.) Marriage is the gift and the sanctifying vehicle. There’s no gift or sanctification in a “partnership.”
The Old Testament descriptor presents itself through the application of male headship and biblical submission. A husband is the head of household. This structure raises every hair on the body of a contemporary feminist so let’s paint a picture of submission.
I understand submission very well as I’ve enjoyed the privilege of working for some truly incredible godly men. The greatest of these was my mentor and friend Joe. I worked for Joe for years and through time observed him conduct himself with wisdom and grace to a degree that I had not previously encountered. This built a level of respect and trust was unconditional. If someone pointed a gun at my head and instructed me to call one person to make a life altering decision on my behalf, a decision I would not know what it would be, I would call Joe. I unequivocally trust his judgement. That is what I mean when I say submission. Submission to the level of leader that you could follow to the end of the earth.
When I was dating my wife, I relayed this story in great detail.
“If I’m not the person you’d call, then I’m not that guy.” “If you don’t have that level of trust and respect for me, do not marry me.”
That level of trust and respect carries weight, and you are required to carry that weight when people have that level of trust and respect in you. The ultimate responsibility for the family falls on the husband; therefore, the ultimate authority for the family lies with the husband. Be very cautious of any situation or endeavor where authority is detached from responsibility.
“Responsibility without authority is slavery.” – Rollo Tomassi
Many of us are aware of the risk and perils that are associated with marriage. The level of competency necessary to mitigate those risks is rare. Social conditioning embedded in every aspect of modern life trains men to believe that they are playing a game that they are not. The feminine primary social order is ruthless in promotion of things that are believed to serve the sisterhood even though they ultimately do not. Most men, and women, are not ready to unplug. And if they are, most are not willing to put in the work necessary to understand the game that they are actually playing. With that being said, I generally do NOT recommend marriage.
For the select few that unplug and do the work, the title of wife is the highest compliment that they can pay to a woman. If you truly understand the game and you chose to marry, she is greater than a best friend or partner. The woman who can transcend the pitfalls of modernity to be considered for marriage is precious beyond description. She is my wife, not my partner, and I am proud to share this god given covenant with such a wonderful soul.